Leading from Exhaustion

I knew at the front end of the day that it was going to be a long day of travel, but I didn't know that I would experience a diversion, refueling, missed connections, changed arrival destination, maintenance issues, and only get 5 hours of sleep. Before I even got on the campgrounds, the message was apparent..."this is not about you."

I was honored and felt privileged to be given the opportunity to be a speaker at a week long camp for high school students. I was pumped to see students, friends, and fellow youth workers. I was humbled to be given such an opportunity at such a young age. I was anxious to see how it would all go, and worried that I hadn't prepared enough. (I had been preparing for months and hit it really hard the two weeks before leaving, I had hit a wall and for some reason I just couldn't get past this one.)

As I boarded my first flight I thought to myself, "Here is my chance to finish out my preparation." Soon after that thought a divine rest fell upon me, which is pretty unusual for me when I travel. Little did I know that I would need that rest to help navigate all the delays and pull an all-nighter. Thanks God, you had me there. Even with all these delays and extra travel time, I never felt inspired to complete my preparation and break through this wall. Through it all I realized that I had prepared enough, and that it was time to let God be God. I needed to hit utter exhaustion to give up on my strengths and lean on His instead. (Which BTW are a lot better, cooler, and more powerful.)

It's almost comical to look back at my first talk which I entitled "Expect". In it, the main point was to give up on our expectations, and instead be a part of how God was going to move that week. I felt this message from my very core as it's one that I have been taught, and reminded of very clearly. The passion that God evoked in me and through me in this first message set the tone for not only the campers, but for me. It was one of the few times I got excited and passionate about what I was talking about....I had moved from my traditional teaching style into something more spirit-filled, called preaching. That talk changed the way I was experiencing God and I felt compelled to continue to share that.

God had retaught and affirmed me that this week was designed for me to be exhausted, and that being exhausted was going to aid in God be glorified. God was calling me to lead from exhaustion...which was actually my biggest fear going into the week. I wasn't worried about my content or speaking...I was worried about the mental, physical, and spiritual exhaustion I was going to experience. Was I going to be able to push through it? Am I prepared enough to get through it? When really, it was this fear of exhaustion that I needed to be brave and lean into. For when I was made weak, He was made strong.

There was a chorus of a worship song that I listened to before every session that helped calm me, recenter me, and remind me the purpose of all my strivings. It goes like this:

"You are worthy of it all,

You are worthy of it all.

For from You are all things,

And to You are all things,

You deserve the glory."

This was the heartbeat of the week. That God would be glorified, and I was happily willing to be made weak and lowly so that He could be seen for the Greatness that He is. This purpose was made evident as we went to our campfire time of reflection and sharing what God had done during the week. Traditionally the speaker and the worship team get a bunch of shoutouts, but delightfully that was not the case. There were a few, and that was affirming for both myself and our worship leader. What was far better was that the overwhelming majority attributed all that they had learned and received to God. I was pumped. God was receiving the glory, because it was Him who was worthy of it....and the students got that.

I wish I could tell you all the beautiful moments of life change that happened in counselors and campers. But that would take too long, and ultimately those are their stories to share. What you need to know is this: God was GOOD, God was God and showed up in bigger ways than we could have ever imagined, and God was the one who was made strong...not the small humans who talked and made music.

So next time things don't go your way and you are utterly exhausted, be thankful. Because the God of the universe is far more powerful and competent to handle your circumstances while you just rest in His presence and lean on his leading.

Grace and Peace,

Austin